parachuting in to take a shot in the dark, I'd guess by "behind one's back" the person means, not in private to one's face only, but person feeling exposed or embarrassed that dirty laundry is being aired instead of all matters confined to one on one manner exclusively.

That sort of makes sense, but I feel that there was a double standard in this case.

The person did the exact same thing to me, behind my back, in the real world. (I was able to confirm it, and he admitted it in private, but then denied it in public.) When I confronted him via phone, email and IM about it for months, he would justify it by saying that he wasn't talking behind my back. I warned him that if he continued to do that, and not leave me alone, that our private communications would be done... for good.

When I found out that he was not only divulging confidences about my mental illness, previous drug use, filtered entries, my sex life, (which I have since decided to come clean about.) I confronted him on it because he betrayed my trust without my knowing, when it came back to me. "I just think it was kind cool for people to know where your art comes from. It's good for marketing." I forgave him the first time, but it was really upsetting.

I confronted him when I learned that other art studios, and people who I did not consult with, knew about specific details of my projects that weren't supposed to be public. This was after he offered to inform on another artist who was previously caught leaking information. I confronted him on it, and his excuse was: "I didn't want to tell you because I knew, you'd overreact. I was just getting feedback to tell you how to better do your comics."

He said, "Oh, I just needed to talk to so-so about my working what it's like working with you," and, "Well, I just wanted to be open and honest," after we specifically agreed not to talk about our sex life with the person he shared that information with.

When I did want to talk to him trying to resolve manners, he didn't respond (unless it involved him getting published or getting money)or try to rectify things. In frustration, I did a comic about the situation that went out of its way to hide his identity. Then a week later he claimed to "stumble" onto my website and basically made a threat about "burning bridges." I pretty much told him that I was glad that he knew that the comic was about him, that I was pissed and really upset that he made no effort to rectify things. After the conversation broke down, I uncensored the comic and put out the rest of it online. I since took down a few of the frames because it was his art, but I blocked him from all communications except public or in person, because I was sick of how he was treating me. Even after that, I kept hearing that he was talking behind my back.

Then the culmination of this was on October 13, when I received an email in the one address where he wasn't blocked. He forwarded me a message from his girlfriend that I realized was NONE of my business and promptly deleted it. I was pissed off enough that he was sharing my private information behind my back, but him sharing his girlfriend's information that I knew she probably would not want shared, behind her back for the purpose of goading me set me over the edge.

So, this is why I am wondering why is me airing his dirty laundry offline, any different than me doing the same, aside from the broadcast method. I know it wasn't nice of me. I know it wrong. But at least, I acknowledge what I did. He just justified his behavior by implying I'm a slut or that we never talked about this in private.

Sorry about this, but this is a sore spot that still hasn't healed and was just reopened.

Edited at 2007-12-31 07:47 am (UTC)